This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 at 1:44 pm and is filed under Copywriting, Fundraising, Nonprofit Communications. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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Amateur Writing = Amateur Org = No Money from Me
Last week I received an invitation to a fundraiser from a local American Red Cross chapter, and it really turned me off. Here is what part of the invitation said verbatim (except for the italics I added).
Fine Art Auction
The Auction will showcase 5 artists, and we will have a live auction with a variety of mediums: paintings, mosaics, hand made jewelry, pottery, wood turning, Photography and much, much more. Hors d’ oeuvres and cash wine bar.
Contact: a phone number, $25.00 adm.
Saturday March 17, 2007
6 pm - 10 pm limited reservationsThe event location and address
I realize that as a professional writer and editor, I notice bad writing more than most people, but the sloppy style of this invitation is a real problem for me as a potential donor. If they can’t go through the trouble of producing a well-written invitation for what is supposed to be their major fundraiser, how careless would they be with my contribution?
So what’s wrong here? Lots.
–5 artists should be five artists. No matter what style guide you use, none of them recommend that you use a numeral in this case.
–Five artists are showcased, but there are more than five art forms. I suspect that more than five artists are donating to the silent auction, and I’d like to know whether that’s correct or not. If it is, what does it mean to be “showcased”?
–Inconsistent capitalization. Why is Auction capitalized and live auction not? Why is Photography capitalized, but the other art forms not? None of these words should be capitalized in my opinion, but it should be all or none.
–Hand made should be handmade. Look it up in the dictionary.
–They almost got bonus points for spelling hors d’oeuvres correctly, which is butchered all the time, but they put a space after the d’ where it doesn’t belong.
–A name or organization should be listed with the phone number. Am I calling the Red Cross or the place that is hosting?
–What is with $25.00 adm.? I assume this means that admission is $25, but why abbreviate it to adm.? $25.00 per person would be so much better.
–The date. They need a comma between Saturday and March. Saturday, March 17, 2007.
–The time and reservations. First, these should be on two separate lines, but more importantly, what does “limited reservations” mean? Can I only come if I RSVP? If so, by when do I need to RSVP? Or does this mean that a limited number of tables can be reserved while the rest are first-come, first-served that night? The invitation should be explicit about that.
A poorly photocopied insert with sponsor logos was tucked inside. You can tell that they put four or six on one page and cut them out. You can also tell that they held too many sheets at once when wielding the scissors, because one edge is all frayed, the cut is crooked, and the sponsor logos are off to one side and lopsided. Don’t get me started on the graphic design of the invitation.
And here’s another issue: March 17 is St. Patrick’s Day. It seems like that would be worth mentioning in some way. I can think of several possible taglines revolving around “luck” that would have worked for this.
Typos happen to the best of us (I missed two bad ones myself last week). Honest mistakes slip by from time to time. I hate the Grammar Gestapo too and am not trying to join them with this post. If I’d spotted only one or two problems, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But an invitation like this, with so many problems in so little space, is just pitiful.
I’m sure many people would defend the person who produced it with the refrain that all leaders of small organizations sing from time to time: “I’m one person. I can only do so much. I can’t be good at everything. Cut me some slack!” I hear ya, sister. But that only takes you so far.
If you aren’t good at writing or design, find a volunteer or board member who can do it for you. Or take an extra fifteen minutes to do it right yourself. Or hire a freelancer. When it counts, like on your major fundraising event materials, you need to get it right. Present yourself as an amateur and you are an amateur. I give money to professionals.
P.S. If all this looks too familiar, check out my two “Writing for the Real World” e-courses, “Making Your Writing Correct” and “Making Your Writing Clear and Concise.” They are designed for busy professionals who need a writing refresher. Registration is $99 and you can start the course any day you like.
February 28th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
It may well have been a volunteer writing the copy, it’s a volunteer led organization who knows but they make the best use of their resources and the American Red Cross is a 4 Star charity according to Charity Navigator so on the whole, they would use your donation very wisely.
Typos aside. You might get a Tank you letter instead of a Thank you letter though!
Help them out and donate one of your courses to them.
March 2nd, 2007 at 11:24 am
I too can empathize with your impatience with bad grammar. As professionals we need to remind each other of the need to maintain high standards and your article was quite suitable in that regard.
Let’s keep encouraging each other to do and be more!
March 7th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
When you do happen to donate, are you looking to support good causes, or are you looking to reward good writing & design?
They might be doing amazing things in areas that matter. They might be doing things for their community that make you look like a garden slug.
It seems a tad bit haughty/petty to be smacking someone on the hand with a ruler for their writing habits, when that has absolutely nothing to do with whether their work in other areas is rewardable - work that, in my opinion, matters a whole lot more than the grammar used in an invitation to a fundraiser.
March 9th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Of course I’m looking to support good causes. But as we all know, there are more good causes than dollars in our bank accounts. We have to make choices, and a number of factors influence those choices. I have no doubt that a nonprofit with sloppy writing can still do amazing mission-related projects, just as a nonprofit with an amazing website might do sloppy mission projects. In general, however, I think the quality of the materials that a nonprofit distributes to its donor base is telling. Whether it says “amateur” or “overworked” or nothing at all is up to each donor to decide.
March 9th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
The Red Cross is 96% volunteer driven, so chances are that a volunteer enlisted the help of the artists (who may work in more than one medium), created the invitation, organized the event and will get very little recognition in the end. He or she may be a teen just starting out and trying to gain experience and raise money for a good cause. I would have much preferred it if the energy spent grilling the poor writer/designer was spent finding a tactful way of offering help to that chapter. It’s that chapter (and those volunteers) that will respond to an emergency if her home burns down, her town suffers hurricane, flood, or earthquake, and Red Cross volunteers who will provide blood to those in the local hospitals. Come on. We’re all in this together.
March 9th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Come on, let’s not get into how I spend my time — I already have a substantial list of volunteer projects.
I think we can learn from others’ mistakes as much as we can from others’ successes.
I think the real shame of this story, which I didn’t get into in the original post, is that the corporate sponsors of this event (and there are some big names with big $$ behind them) didn’t step up and offer some assistance to this chapter to help them really pull off the event marketing with style. They deserve the wrath more than the chapter in some ways.
March 13th, 2007 at 12:31 am
Bravo! Maybe it’s all those years I spent with the nuns in Catholic school, but I agree that language matters as does attention to detail. We’re at an interesting juncture in the nonprofit where I volunteer We’re loaded with academic types so writing isn’t an issue but design sure is. The folks who started our venture did a logo and other marketing materials that did indeed betray their amateur origins. Among other things the logo is technically a nightmare. Now the organization has grown and changed and some of us feel the need to present a more professional design face to the world. We’ve even secured the volunteer services of a very talented designer to help us with branding and identity. There’s something of a split between some of the “old guard” and those of us advocating this change. For us internally the split over design may be just the marker for the struggles people are having over change in our organization.
What do you suppose the back story might be behind that Red Cross invitation?